The thirst for him is intensifying each second, he drives me insane ♥♥
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Surprisingly, I spent my day at home without going anywhere.
Today's another public holiday, tomorrow's Saturday and there goes my weekends.
Yes, I should be spending my public holiday and weekend with my boyfriend.
But it seems obviously impossible for now because we're still having cold war.
Since last week, I've been updating my twitter much frequently than before.
The phone rang, I thought it was you who called me.
The phone vibrated, I thought it was you who dropped me a message.
I've been staring at the phone much longer then before.
However, my hope went down the drain for days.
The more I prayed, the greater the disappointment.
As seconds and minutes goes by, the level of disappointment enhances itself, unknowingly.
Friends asked me out but I couldn't muster up any mood to get my ass out of the house.
My mind swirled round and round, asking myself what if you asked me out?
What if you're willing to meet me?
What if you're willing to see me for once?
Will you miss me like how I missed you?
Tons of what if, but they are merely a pile of my creative imagination.
You told me you couldn't face me, you have no idea how hurtful it was.
You told me you couldn't trust me, I felt like a failure.
You claimed that I didn't put in any effort, but where's my chance to do so?
You wanted quiet times, I don't wish to disturb but I miss you.
I'm useless, all I know is to cry.
I'm just like a helpless baby, not knowing what to do and what to say.
My explanation made the situation worse, my words made you feel worse.
For the past few days, I've been the one initiating the conversation with you but you will end up ignoring my last message and not replying me.
I didn't have dinner for the past few days, I have no appetite.
All I yearn for is just you, your forgiveness and love.
I stayed up throughout the night, it was cold without you around.
Holding on to the phone on my hand, I'm so afraid that you might reply me after I knock off.
Torturing nights, I pity my pathetic twitter because I love spamming twitter at night. Spam twitter, not because I want you to know how I feel.
I remembered, you mistaken my intention of telling how I feel that day and I won't.
I won't tell you how I feel anymore.
One word from me, it might create another mess for us.
Our photos are all around my room, these photos looked sweet.
Wanted to keep myself occupied so that I won't think that much but I failed terribly.
The moment I switched on the laptop, I see our faces.
Touching every little things you bought for me, reminded me of you.
I can't stop thinking of you, even right now.
You have no idea how torturing it can be to type out every single words.
There are so much things which I want to say it out but as usual, I deleted after typing them out.
Mummy was asking me, where's boy?
What a good question because I have no idea at all.
Sitting at the corner, I couldn't stop my mind from running wild.
Reminiscing the memories of ours, the things we used to do together, the times when you used to hug me from the back, the times when you used to lie beside me when the sky turned black, the times when I tiptoed just to give you a kiss on your cheek.
I didn't mean to create all these nonsense, I felt horrible.
For the past few days, I skipped my dinner almost everyday.
I used to have my dinner with you whenever you are out of the camp.
I used to be with you when you book out.
You used to call me baby when your messages came.
You used to say you miss me, you love me and whatever.
Used to, yes used to.
You people who are here reading my post must be wondering what the heck is going on between the two of us.
I can only blame it on myself because it was my fault, totally.
I'm sorry, words are cheap but there's nothing I can do for now.
I miss you.
The mixture of feelings right now, is indescribable.
Feeling weird, perhaps it's because I should be spending my time with you at this moment.
Feeling uncomfortable, perhaps it's because there's no one here wiping my wet hair for me after I bathed out.
Feeling uneasy, perhaps it's because no one gonna be here to comfort me when I wake up with a nightmare.
Feeling horrible, perhaps it's because you are still ignoring me.
Feeling helpless, perhaps it's because I have no chance to explain anymore.
Feeling disappointed, perhaps it's because I hoped for more.
When you said you missed me too, I smiled from the bottom of my heart.
That's how the only true smile came about.
You may not trust me, but you can't doubt my love for you.
All along, I'm not toying your feelings.
For the past 1year plus, I didn't mean to lie or break promises.
I love you, I hope you can feel it.
Forgive me, will you? ):Labels: ):
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